Brutally Honest Confessions, Normal women trying to get by : The one with the letter from the heart

 

As I sit here, opposite you in the hospital room, I watch you sleep off the anaesthetic from this mornings surgery and the night shift you finished just 3 hours before you were admitted to hospital. It was a planned hernia operation so we were well prepared, you wanted to work the shift before your operation because you’re worried about how long you’ll have to be off of work. You wanted to make sure there was enough money to cover our bills and pay the rent and that’s one reason I love you so much.

In 7 days we celebrate our anniversary, we’ll have been together for 10 years, the time has flown, it’s a funny thing…..time, I thought it was just something that happened, I’ve never though of us aging or maturing, to me we will always be that same, stupid, couple who fell in love instantly  and wanted nothing more than each other.  But we have grown older, our bodies have changed, not for the worst either… Yours has yoyo’d in weight and won a body building competition, mine has given us 3 beautiful babies.

Our lives are different now, we’re not as care free, we have responsibilities. But it’s still fun, we’re still stupid and we are still as crazy in love as the day we met. We have more in common than ever before, those 3 tiny pieces of our hearts who bring so much love, happiness, stress, worry and fear into our lives.

The kids were so worried when we dropped you off, Not for the first time did I realise how lucky they are to have you I n their lives, a daddy who loves and cares for them and would lay down his own life to protect each and every one of them!

Life was never meant to be about the material things, we never had dreams of grandeur, we only ever wanted to live a simple life with just enough to get us by, but I’ve gone off track, I’ve been sucked into living a life with far more wants and needs than I would ever have imagined, the need to “keep up with the joneses” and to fit in with everyone else’s idea of what life should be. For us it was always just being together, we always were our happiest when we were driving around in our clapped out trucks, without a penny to our name or a worry in our hearts. Don’t get me wrong I love our life, I love providing for our children, but this is what matters, us… together. When our time comes to an end (which I hope is many many many years away) nothing will matter but the time, we won’t remember how much money was in the bank or how tidy the house was, we won’t remember how many Instagram followers we had or that the kids had cereal for tea but we will remember the time, the happy times and the sad. We’ll remember the smiles and the laughs, the tears and the tantrums.

lets remember all of this the next time we’re tired from working late when the kids want to go to the park, we won’t remember the time we were tired but we will remember their little faces as they whizz round the park or down the road on their bikes. Let’s live life today, like we always planned, and make today the best day of our life.. Each and every day!!

As I watch you sleep this is my promise to you, myself and our children, I promise to try to remember how I feel now, I promise to try to remember that play time is more important than work time and I promise you that “Date Nights” no longer need to be scheduled in between my work schedule.. It always should have been the other way round, work can wait time does not.

I love you from the bottom of my heart xx

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